A new me

I totally forgot that I set this thing up MONTHS ago, and I finally remembered as I was searching through some old pictures and things. I really love to write and love to get things off my chest, so i am going to try to start to blog again (maybe more regularly than last time!). I really am not an awesome writer (I think I am a much better speaker) but bear with me ;) So, since the last time I wrote on this blog a lot has changed (to say the least). We had baby Amiyah Brooklyn and she now almost a year old. Wow. A year. I can hardly believe it. I will post something on her birthday about this last year with her, but I have to say that I am literally a different person than I was this time last year. Before I had Amiyah I really lived for myself; I lived for me and Daron and that was about it. Now, everything has changed. My first thought when I wake up in the morning is about Amiyah, and my last thought when I go to bed is about Amiyah. I want to make sure that she is always safe and always happy. Now, I am not ignorant in my thinking, so I have to admit to myself that I know that I, by myself, can really not protect Amiyah at all. I know that her safety rests in the hands of my Creator. I feel like I have a new level of trust established with God now that I am a parent. I am able to tell Him that I trust Him with my daughter, and that I know her world is in HIS hands. I am also not ignorant enough to think that she will ALWAYS be happy (or that I can always make her happy). However, I want to try as hard as I can for as long as I can!
Anyway, I believe that motherhood really shows you how selfish you were before you were a mother. Now, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with you if you dont have kids or that you're a bad person BY ANY MEANS... I just really never realized how much I thought about ME in a given day before I had Miyah. Now, I think about her future, her present day, her health, her spiritual development and so on. Before I really did not contemplate my consequences to my decisions all that much. However, now that I have a baby.. I must think about how everything I do can (and does) effect her. In fact, I have been thinking of this alot. EVERYTHING I do effects her. I want to be a better person because of her. I don't want her to ever see me doing something bad and pick up on it all because she saw me do it! (i know it will probably happen at some point but I dont want it to). I change the channel if ANYTHING remotely bad comes on and I don't listen to secular music hardly ever anymore. I know that she is only 11 months old, and doesn't understand yet. But, she will... and when she does.. I want her to have the best role model- mommy ever. :)