A new me

I totally forgot that I set this thing up MONTHS ago, and I finally remembered as I was searching through some old pictures and things. I really love to write and love to get things off my chest, so i am going to try to start to blog again (maybe more regularly than last time!). I really am not an awesome writer (I think I am a much better speaker) but bear with me ;) So, since the last time I wrote on this blog a lot has changed (to say the least). We had baby Amiyah Brooklyn and she now almost a year old. Wow. A year. I can hardly believe it. I will post something on her birthday about this last year with her, but I have to say that I am literally a different person than I was this time last year. Before I had Amiyah I really lived for myself; I lived for me and Daron and that was about it. Now, everything has changed. My first thought when I wake up in the morning is about Amiyah, and my last thought when I go to bed is about Amiyah. I want to make sure that she is always safe and always happy. Now, I am not ignorant in my thinking, so I have to admit to myself that I know that I, by myself, can really not protect Amiyah at all. I know that her safety rests in the hands of my Creator. I feel like I have a new level of trust established with God now that I am a parent. I am able to tell Him that I trust Him with my daughter, and that I know her world is in HIS hands. I am also not ignorant enough to think that she will ALWAYS be happy (or that I can always make her happy). However, I want to try as hard as I can for as long as I can!
Anyway, I believe that motherhood really shows you how selfish you were before you were a mother. Now, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with you if you dont have kids or that you're a bad person BY ANY MEANS... I just really never realized how much I thought about ME in a given day before I had Miyah. Now, I think about her future, her present day, her health, her spiritual development and so on. Before I really did not contemplate my consequences to my decisions all that much. However, now that I have a baby.. I must think about how everything I do can (and does) effect her. In fact, I have been thinking of this alot. EVERYTHING I do effects her. I want to be a better person because of her. I don't want her to ever see me doing something bad and pick up on it all because she saw me do it! (i know it will probably happen at some point but I dont want it to). I change the channel if ANYTHING remotely bad comes on and I don't listen to secular music hardly ever anymore. I know that she is only 11 months old, and doesn't understand yet. But, she will... and when she does.. I want her to have the best role model- mommy ever. :)

It's a girl! Amiyah Brooklyn George

Well.. It's official.. we are having a little girl! This is SO exiting to us.. we can hardly even believe its real. Her name is Amiyah Brooklyn and she is going to be perfect! well, maybe not perfect but awfully close ;) I have been put on high risk pregnancy by my doctor and am not really allowed to do much except sit, sleep, laydown and eat haha.. this should be a fun 4 months! lol.. the blot clot under my placenta has been growing(not shrinking like they have been assuring me since the beginning it would do) and they are concerned about the baby making it to full term because if that clot bursts.. I will go into labor.. so.. the doc said there isnt much he can do.. i just have to be careful and keep her on the inside as long as i can.. so, if you're bored.. hit me up because all I will be doing is homework and tv haha.. But,let this be known: I am confident that Amiyah, Daron and myself are in the hands of the Lord and that He has is all under control! He has always been faithful to me and I don't expect that to change now! I will keep you posted on further updates with the baby.. :) (side note) it's so crazy how you fall in love with someone you don't even know yet.. I mean really.. I fell the other day on a wet step and was ok(banged up knee and ankel) but started bawling because I was afraid I hurt the baby somehow(even though my belly was far from the impact) A. i would like to thank the hormones for that and B. I know it is my job to protect her while I can.. it's just amazing to me the love and bond I feel with her and she has barely exsisted 18 weeks at this point! wow.. its crazy.. but amazing at the same time!

Hannah Grace!!!!

So... I found out yesterday that I am going to have a niece and her name is going to be Hannah Grace! It's really funny because almost everyone was convinced that my sister Erica was having a boy and me a girl(I still dont know what I am having) but it looks like we were all wrong about their baby! The whole time we have been calling the baby Elijah Charles(the boy name they picked out) but it turns out it is Hannah instead! I am SO excited!!! I know that Robert and Erica are going to be great parents and this baby is going to be BEAUTIFUL!!!!! I kinda hope we are having a girl so that my daughter and Hannah can be close.. only 6 weeks apart!!! anyway... I just wanted to share that!!!! :)

I wasn't there the day He hung the moon

There is this song by clay Walker that is called, "just a few questions." I can't think of all the words to the song(which is ironic because if it was playing I would know all the words.) But, the song basically asks questions about things that seem unfair in life.. such as how can we put a man on the moon and still have a need for a place like St. Judes? And how is one man born in a place where all they know is war, when we have always been free. How can two loving people who have built a loving home, try for years and never have a child of their own... why do some people die so young, why does some people get the chance to chase their dreams when some peoples dreams are ended so abruptly? These things have always been hard to answer.. why do these things happen? How can God let these things happen? However, its the chorus that really challenges me, it says BUT "I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans, I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky, so I don't mean to second guess you or critize what I don't understand.. these are just a few questions I have." wow.. this really makes me think about the sovereignty of the Lord. His thoughts are highed than ours.. His ways is better than ours.. not that that makes it any easier to face questions like this. So, I turned to Scripture in thinking of these questions. After Job was faced with many many tests from Satan, he was questioning the Lord, and the Lord says to him, "Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words?""Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?"Now, don't get me wrong.. I believe that the Lord wants us and is big enough for us to ask all these hard questions of Him.. However, we have to keep in mind that He is God.. He is good.. He is righteous.. and He is perfect... and we, in our human nature, are none of those things. When I think of life without God, my heart litteraly hurts. I don't know how people can face these questions without the hope of knowing that God is in control. This whole thought came from me thinking about our beautiful, unborn baby... I do not know how people can abort babies when they are clearly babies.. I mean..wow.. it is a life that God has entrusted to them, no one else can take care of my baby for the next 6 months except me.. So, why would I purposly let my baby down? The only person who can care for him/her? I just don't get it.. especially when there are couples who really want babies.. who try for years to get pregnant.. it just really gets me. I dont know.. I am just challenged to know that God is God. period. And maybe we will be able to bring a list of questions before the throne someday to ask God these questions.. I know I am racking them up left and right!! :)

oh how I miss him.

So.. I am in Indiana for a stupid math class and have to be here for 5 weeks. I love being around my family and being "home." However, I wish Daron could be here with me. I knew it would be hard to be away from him, but I never knew it would be this hard.. I miss him holding me at night while I sleep.. I miss his kisses in the morning before he goes to work.. I miss seeing him at lunch time and eating lunch together.. I miss cooking him dinner in the evening.. I just miss.. sigh.. HIM! I know you all don't want to read the mushieness.. but I am pregnant so I am allowed to be mushy!! lol.. So, baby.. if you're reading this.. I miss you and love you!!!!!!!!!! I am so exited to be having a baby with this man. I have been praying that the baby gets the best of both of us. Here are some of the things I hope he/she gets from us. From Daron: I hope he/she gets his hunger for the word of God, his crazy favor he has with people and with the Lord, his genorosity and willingness to give, his ability to forgive, his ability to not stress and allow the Lord to do His thing, his ability to let things roll of his back and not care what others say about him, his business-savyness(lol) and his drive to do something/be something great despite everything being against him. From me, I just want a few things, now know this is hard for me to even put good things about myself so please don't think I am "tooting my own horn" lol.. From me I hope he/she gets my compassion for people, my ability to love people when its hard, my pre-pregnancy skin(its not so pretty now but i have hardly ever even had to wash my face and have had NO trouble with acne), my eyes, my sensitivity to the Spirit, and my desire to learn. Now, with that said there is ALOT I don't want him/her to get from both Daron and I, but so that I will stay out of trouble, I will just write them about me... I pray he/she gets a MUCH better metabolism, a better sense of direction, I pray he/she does not get my constant worry attitude, or that they do not inherit my always worrying about what other people think of me. I hope she/he doesn't get my feelings of solving things with violence all the time, and having to be "hard" because showing emotion is weak, or how I get so angry at myself for absolutly nothing.. lol. And, the list goes on and on.. haha.. But, I am praying that the baby looks like a mix of the two of us.. a light brown skin with green eyes would make me SO happy... (and of course with my nose..hahah) And I would love a girl.. BUT I will be happy with whatever the Lord gives us.. because he/she came from the Love I have for my husband and I know God is (as I write) knitting him/her together in my womb and is fearfully and wonderfully made!!!!!

fame, money, gifts... but at what cost??

So.. I have got to do better about writing on here.. because I think of stuff all the time i just don't write it.. Anyway..I have been following the show Jon and Kate plus eight pretty much since it first came out. This show has made me so sad. I fell in love with these kids right away, but it didn't take me long to start picking up on major issues between Jon and Kate. In the beginning, Jon and Kate were both very different than they are now. Kate has never really been nice to Jon.. but it seemed like she was much sweeter to him in the very beginning, and was not into money and fame. I watched one of the first documentaries ever(before they even had the show) and Kate said something like " we might never be able to give our children all of the things they want, but we will always have eachother." Now, if you look at Kate.. several years later.. he doesn't even look like the same person. She is mean so mean to Jon.. she is obsessed with money, fame, and others opinion of her. She has literally let all these things come in their relationship and kill their marriage. Now, don't get me wrong.. a divorice is NEVER solely one persons fault. Jon has alot of things going on as well, and I FOR SURE do not agree with the way he has been hooking up with Hailey.. I don't know.. it just makes me sad because I feel like if they would have just continued to be a IT person and a nurse... living by themselves, without cameras and such.. that they would have been fine. I think they would have made it. I am just realizing that money does not make happiness. Yes, I do believe wealthy people can be happy.. but I don't think everyone can handle it. I read that the divorce rate is very high with people who win the lottery.. and I also read that a huge amount of lottery winners end up addicted to drugs and alcohol. I read an article about a man that won something like 100 millio n and he said "I wish I would have ripped up that ticket." His wife left him.. he started drinking..his grand daughter died of a drug overdose.. and the list goes on and on. It's really sad. I believe that family should come first. Just my thought.

I am in awe

I had my first ultrasound today because the doctor thought I might be having twins. Turns out.. she only sees one baby... I am a little sad its not twins.. but so exited that I got to see the baby(the peanut) and hear his/her heart beat for the first time. I was just thinking about how amazing God is. The baby starts out the size of a head on a pin needle! Crazy.. then about 5 weeks it is the size of a sesame seed(but the whole time things are forming and developing) I am about 7 weeks and the baby's brain and spinal cord are forming and are visible through the translucant skin. The baby is slightly bigger than a blueberry and already has a developing circulatory system and a strong heart beat. That just blows my little mind. The limbs, fingers, mouth and nose form in the next 2 weeks. I am so amazed at the goodness of the Lord and how He blesses us with this gift of life. My sister is also pregnant(about 5-6 weeks ahead of me) and I could not be more exited that we are sharing this together. I really wish we were closer (lived closer) so we could see this miracle happening in eachother. I know these two babies are going to be a blessing to our familes. I am so exited! Just wanted to share :)